Drink whenever:
1. Some aspect of the show reminds you of a rock concert
2. Something is garish
3. You are reminded of Las Vegas (lighting, gyrating, sequins, costuming....)
4. The Gnome thing looks like she's not playing her tin whistle
5. You realize that next to this, LOTD looks traditional
6. You are blinded by sequins
7. The Gnome reminds you of Columbia (the tapdancing groupie) from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"
8. Someone "over-dances" (like overacting, but with dancing)
9. Michael Flatley's "vision" appears sordid
10. Dancing is overtly sexual
11. Hair is HUGE
12. Excessive make-up, even for the stage
13. Symbolism is obvious (drink twice if traditional dresses are torn off in a pseudo-striptease)
14. "The Lord" is clearly flirting with a woman who looks almost half his age
15. The theme of the dance number seems to be MF=GOD
16. You realize that this show has more gratuitous panty shots than the original Japanese version of Sailor Moon.
17. You wonder how many of the dancers are dating one-another
18. Arms wave in the air
19. Annoying slow motion shots that are meant to look arty but look cheesy.
20. MF looks like a puffed up prize rooster.
21. You suddenly have a craving for cheese...
22. MF leaps across the stage
23. MF is a stage hog.
24. MF wears more sequins and rhinestones than the King of Tack himself, Liberace
25. MF does "the pose"
26. MF undresses someone with his eyes
27. MF "controls" a row of dancers
28. You want to shoot the costume designer
29. MF acts inappropriately towards a woman who could be underage
30. Someone attempts to mount the set
31. Someone struts across the stage (2 drinks if it's MF)
32. The camera zooms in on MF's face, ignoring the talented dancers taking up the other 99% of the stage
33. MF looks like he's "flaming"
34. You think the show should be called "Fart of Flames"
35. Daire Nolan's costume makes him look like a cross between Spawn and a Power Ranger (he's a really really good dancer, but damn, that's a bad costume!)
36. The tapping noise in the soundtrack dosn't necessarily match the dancer's foot movements
37. You notice how good the other dancers actually are...if they weren't forced to march or strip all the time, they could really show their talents!
38. Costumes are cheezy
39. Cast members look tired and drawn
40. Someone almost pops out of her costume (2 drinks if it's Gillian)
41. Someone does a "Showgirls" move
42. The women's dance moves look like they were choreographed by a Jerry Springer guest
43. Pelvic thrusts
44. Pole dancing
45. Some of the dancing looks ad-libbed
46. Skipping around the stage
47. Sports bras (this time they're flourescent, rather than pastel)
48. You see the dancers from above
49. The lighting is gawdy. (The colours, man, look at the colours!)
50. Men wear pink
51. The men dance holding hands
52. Moves look like they were taken directly from "Strictly Ballroom"
53. Music sound like it belongs in a dance club, not a Irish dancing show
54. You think that MF's "vision" seems rather perverse
55. Hair bounces
56. Ballet moves
57. The song "Girl Fight Tonight" comes to mind
58. Bernie and Gillian look at each other like they want to claw each other's eyes out
59. Jiggling
60. The "Virgin/Whore" thing still bugs you
61. Dancers touch themselves suggestively
62. SEX SEX SEX
63. MF looks like he's trying to be Zorro
64. You wonder what Zorro has to do with Irish Culture
65. MF's chest drips with baby oil
66. The camera lens pulls away from the talented dancers to show MF kissing one of the women
67. You ask yourself "who's the twat in the leather?"
68. The crowd salivated at the sight of MF's greased chest
69. Pyrotechnics
70. The excessive use of strobe lights sends you into a seizure
71. Irish dancing?  In tap shoes?
72. It sounds like the chorus of men yells "sex"...or maybe it's a football chant?
73. Someone changes costumes
74. You question Bernie's purpose when she's just standing there...
75. Your brain screams "SACRELIGE!" (Lord of the Dance is a Christian hymn, and the "Lord" referred to is Jesus Christ....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.)
76. The Zorro theme continues...
77. You want to tell Michael that he is not a deity, but a mere mortal, just like everyone else on the stage
78. You miss the gnome
79.  ...But are disappointed when she shows up later in the show.
80. You realize that "The Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog" (a Fox Kids show, produced by Saban, the people who brought you Power Rangers) has more Irish Culture in it than FOF
81. You think that the chanting guys in the robes look like Darth Sideous from the Star Wars series...
82. You wonder about the purpose of MF's flute solo
83. You want to tell MF not to bother auditioning for the Chieftains
84. You think that MF's pants pulled up to his nipples makes him look really short.
85. You think that he's removed as much non-Mikey content as he could
86. You recognize the women's costumes from the "Frederick's of Hollywood" catalogue.
87. You think that Tammy Faye Bakker got a job on the makeup crew of FoF
88. You think that the tiaras have grown since the last incarnation of the show
89. You question the support of the women's costumes
90. The Gnome is angry
91. You wonder who "The Lord" hasn't thought about getting it on with
92. Someone uses the scaffolding as cover
93. You wonder if they're yelling "Hey! Don't Drink Coors!"
94. "Mommy...he danced at me funny....."
95. Someone has long, bristling arm hair
96. MF looks like he wants to bite someone
97. MF looks like he wants to snog someone
98. Dancers play "Pat-A-Cake"
99. MF pulls another flute out of his bum...where do they all come from? Is that where the big flute came from too?
100. All the pink makes you ill
101. There's vaseline on the camera lens
102. Costumes are unflattering
103. GILLIAN'S CATSUIT.....DRINK 10 TIMES TO GET THROUGH IT!
104. Dancing looks like the opening credits to a softcore porno flick
105. You cheer when the fiddlers come back on!
106. The music is cheezy and sounds synth based
107. Why did he bring out the band?  The Chieftains they are not.
108. The bassist looks like he'd be more comfortable in a Shania Twain video
109. You ask how the fiddler in the pants got in to her outfit
110. You think that MF really wants to be in a rock band
111. The flute and violins are not in tune with one another AT ALL!
112. You think the singer would be better singing in Gaelic
113. You think the singer's song is a mite cheezy
114. Bernie looks like she belongs in a child's jewellery box.
115. You see the show as MF's sordid fantasy: he's a God who has 2 beautiful women fight over him. (I think that was the script to the soft core porno on the Movie Network last Saturday.....)
116. Sexual tension
117. You wonder if MF actually needs to have his title on the belt? Will he forget who he is without it?
118. Or does the person wearing the belt become "Lord of the Dance" when he puts it on?
119. The belt looks like it was styled after the belt in the old 1950's Hercules cartoon
120. You worry that Daire Nolan is going to trip over his cape
121. The Gnome throws glitter
122. Mikey sucks in his stomach
123. You realize that in real life, Nolan could beat Mikey up
124. Drink for every mention of Michael's name in the credits
125. Gratuitous MF solo
126. MF punches air
127. You notice how MF almost always stands directly in front of Nolan when the entire cast is on stage.
128. You've seen more convincing Irish Dancing in a B*Witched video, "Don't Be Stupid" by Shania Twain, or the Robaxacet commercial.
129. You swear that the singer's song was previously rejected by Celine Dion