Also, when I mention such things as men wearing pink, I am not criticising them for wearing pink... there's nothing wrong with a man wearing pink, it's just an observation.

For your convenience, I have organized this into easy to follow categories. or the most part, they are in chronological order, so just follow along and have some fun! YESSSS!

1. There's really obvious colour symbolism (note the red (whore) and white (virgin) of the two lead female dancers)
2. Costumes are shiny or reflective
3. Costumes are garish or gaudy
4. Costumes are lingerie-inspired
5. Costumes distract from the dancing
6. One or more men is wearing white suspenders
7. Someone wears parachute pants
8. Someone wears leather pants
9. There are excessive zippers on someone's pants
10. Said zippers are in very strange places
11. T-shirts have ugly celtic designs on them
12. Clothes are very tight
13. "Gina" clothing
14. Vinyl clothing is worn
15. Clothing looks uncomfortable for sitting around in, let alone dancing...
16. Control top pantyhose passes for clothing...
17. Sports bras pass for clothing
18. Pants have laces
19. Pants have strange waistlines
20. Clothes are Star Trek inspired
21. Dresses have strange cut away pieces in them
22. Costumes look like skating costumes
23. Shirts have strange,, annoying sleeve lengths
24. Costumes look cheap and hastily/shabbily made
25. Too many sequins
26. Clothing is sheer
27. Multicoloured sports bras that look ridiculous with skirts...
28. Garish hair accessories on the women (note the tiaras...)
29. Dresses are cut strangely
30. Girls costumes look like a cross between Xena and an Opryland stage show

1. 80's inspired back lighting
2. Major strobe effects
3. You can't see the dancers for the bright lights
4. Lighting distracts from the dancing
5. Lights are blinding
6. The lights have a speed contest with the dancers....
7. Annoying follow-spot
8. Weird red lighting
9. Annoying blue lighting that is too dark
10. All spots on Michael Flatley
11. Lighting was clearly inspired by a 70's disco dance club
12. Dizzy psychedelic spot...does the show have a message?

1. An invisible bell tolls
2. You hear a choir, but no choir is visible
3. (VIDEO VERSION) Slow motion cutaways/shots of leaps are unsuccessfully used
4. (VIDEO VERSION) Dancers are shot at odd angles from below
5. Technical problems distract you from the dancing
6. Tribal beats are used in the music
7. Dancers have to compete with the music
8. (VIDEO VERSION) You expect a commercial between acts...
9. Music has tapping noise in the soundtrack...
10. You hear a bastardized version of the Riverdance theme
11. Gratuitous crotch shots
12. Flying V formation dancing
13. Thunder
14. Dance formations resemble letters of the alphabet
15. Music sounds like someone's strangling a cat
16. Blocking is bad
17. Starry backdrop distracts from the action on stage
18. (VIDEO VERSION) There is evidence of bad editing
19. The set change is actually visible to the naked eye...
20. The staging of this show seems to be stolen from a number of other trashy movie dance shows, that were, in reality, more entertaining than this...
21. Makeup is applied too heavily...everyone looks like a cheap hooker

1. One of the core female dancers gets "wound up" by the Gnome Thing
2. One or more of the core female dancers looks like Tonya Harding
3. Dance like they're "pedaling their wares..."
4. Lean suggestively, side stage
5. Someone looks like her teeth have been vaselined
6. Someone pulls out her scrunchy and shakes her hair out
7. She puts said scrunchy around her wrist
8. You see more than you need
9. Does a slightly mutated version of the "YMCA" move
10. Dance in their bras and pantyhose
11. You see why the women need those control top pantyhose
12. You see shots of the women's underwear
13. Their body language is inappropriate
14. Women fly...
15. Someone has her sports bra on backwards

1. Wear masks that make them look like Batman's sidekick...
2. Do the "I Dream of Jeannie" move (arms crossed, head nodded forward, winking)
3. Dance without music playing
4. Cross their arms en masse
5. Play "monkey in the middle" / "keepaway" with the Gnome thing and her tin whistle
6. Have their sleeves rolled up
7. Shuffle on-stage as if in a chain gang
8. Steal Michael Flatley's velcro wrestling belt
9. walk off as if they are a military regiment

1. Pretend ballet moves are exhibited
2. Pretend step-dancing moves are exhibited
3. Stripping occurs
4. Kick really really high
5. Put their hands on their hips
6. Breathe heavily
7. Wear "Rambo" headbands
8. Hold hands whilst leaping
9. Do something blatantly non-Celtic
10. 2 cast members look at one another suggestively...take an extra drink if it's 2 women or 2 men....
11. All look identical
12. Dance in a line
13. Said line is not very straight
14. Pause for applause a bit longer than they should
15. The main dancer stands on the sidelines, watching
16. Do an aerobics move
17. Have their backs to the audience (1 drink per dancer with back to audience)
18. Dances end with the dancers in "bodybuilder" poses
19. Cleavage is visible (either gender)
20. Someone dances backwards
21. Hair flies loose (either gender)
22. Excessive use of hands
23. Excessive pelvis thrusts
24. Moves are stolen from cheezy dance movies, like "Lambada", "Flashdance" or "Stayin' Alive"
25. The "Virgin/Whore" symbolism is too much for you...
26. Breasts jiggle visibly - either gender
27. Touches his/her crotch
28. Touches someone else's crotch
29. clapping
30. yelling
31. Moronic facial expressions
32. The dancers lose the speed contest with the lights
33. Heaving busoms (either gender)
34. You see the "threesome" formation
35. Attempt at sexiness
36. Said attempt at sexiness does not work
37. Lines are not very precise
38. The dancing looks unprofessional
39. can-can dancing
40. costume change - take an extra drink if it's mid-scene
41. uninspired dancing in a circle
42. shoving
43. are unable to keep up to the speed of the music
44. Think that they are in the cast of Stomp! (drumming on the floor, etc.)
45. Do the "hand jive"
46. Someone plays with a stick...I mean STAFF!
47. Someone's gut jiggles
48. The crowd cheers at the sight of Flatley pulling things out of his arse
49. Arms above the head
50. Dance moves come from "exotic" dance routines
51. Weird, inappropriate hand movements
52. Dance ends in a fencing stance
53. Formations are uninspired
54. "Ring Around the Rosie" formation is displayed
55. Girls are hoisted above the men's heads
56. The show resembles a commercial
57. People are just not attractive
58. Moves are stolen from Dirty Dancing
59. Women in the audience scream for some unknown reason
60. All of the dancers are touching one another
61. Looks mechanical
62. Dueling Banjos style dancing
63. Smacking of shoes together, midair
64. Skater spin
65. Dance like horses in a dressage competition
66. Appear to think that they're in the cast of Tapdogs
67. There is a shot of the audience applauding wildly...for no apparent reason
68. The same identical encore is repeated ad nauseum

1. Wears that shiny gold costume, making her look like and Oscar wannabe
2. Pretends to play that little tin whistle
3. Looks like a twelve year old
4. Looks like a lawn ornament
5. Winds someone up
6. Looks scared
7. Plays the exact same song as the last time you saw her
8. Cowers behind Michael Flatley
9. Gets shoved and/or falls over
10. Looks like she is making love to the set
11. Looks glazed, dazed and confused
12. Doesn't blink
13. Looks at Michael Flatley suggestively
14. Throws glitter
15. Doesn't blink

1. Wears a "Rambo" headband
2. Looks like she has a really tall head
3. Hair looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket
4. Hair makes her taller than the average NBA star
5. Hair gets bigger every time you see her
6. Loses a layer of clothing
7. Reminds you of Whitney Houston in the tv musical version of Cinderella

1. Look at one another as if they are a couple (Someone I know calls them the "Dueling Dykes...(note...I am not making an issue about their sexuality...it was just a flippant remark made by one of my friends...))
2. Stomp their feet whilst playing
3. Compete with the background music
4. Play off-key
5. Compete for attention with their PVC clothing...
6. Seem to be "air-fiddling" along to a backing track...

1. kisses a dancer... 2 drinks if he slips her the tongue... 3 drinks if she enjoys the tongue action
2. is topless
3. wears Braveheart make-up
4. pulls a flute from his ass
5. 1 drink per mention of thee great Michael Flatley in the opening credits
6. ditto for the closing credits
7. wears the velcro wrestling belt
8. has an oiled body
9. lifts his arms
10. portrays himself as a Christ figure
11. Is seen from under the stage through the glass panes (a la AC/DC)
12. Does the "Michael Flatley" pose (note the pose on the case of the videocassette)
13. Dances alone on stage
14. Gives someone "f**k me" eyes
15. Does a Michael Jackson move
16. Controls a line of dancers
17. Yells at the crowd
18. Breathes heavily
19. Walks around the stage, controlling the other dancers
20. Displays his God complex
21. Crosses his arms in front of him
22. Misses the point of step-dancing/Irish culture in general
23. Pauses for applause...there's a build up, then the show goes on for longer
24. Puts himself front and center, in front of all the other dancers
25. Competes with everyone in the show
26. Does his trademark "flying leap"
27. Bites or licks the shoulder of one or more female dancers
28. Kisses one or more of his leading ladies
29. Growls at one or more of his leading ladies
30. "Walks like a man..."
31. Tries to "pick up" on stage
32. Wears lace up pants
33. Stalks about in the spotlight
34. Puts his hand in front of him to show which direction he's going in
35. Wears REALLY high wasted pants
36. Gratuitous shots of his crotch
37. Yells
38. Is very obviously sucking in his gut
39. Is wearing a different costume from the last time you saw him
40. Leaps out clad in biker gear
41. Wears an excessive number of leather bracelets on each wrist
42. Nods his head
43. Talks to the audience
44. Yells "YEAH!!!!"
45. Assumes that the audience is cheering for him, not the rest of the company
46. Hogs the spot light
47. Kicks air to frighten off a bad guy
48. Squints at the audience
49. Sticks out his pelvis when he walks
50. Reminds you of Elvis Stojko
51. Feels someone up
52. Is visibly torn between 2 women...ON STAGE
53. Looks sleazy
54. Acts sleazy
55. Is is a "threesome" (not literally!) on stage
56. Vanishes in a puff of smoke
57. Pulls a "David Copperfield", unsuccessfully
58. Is resurrected from under the stage in smoke, sans shirt and with too much eyeliner
59. Dances "threateningly"
60. Stares someone down
61. Wears another bullfighting costume
62. Chases someone away
63. Flies out from side stage
64. Looks like a small rodent
65. Nipular protrusion
66. Displays his huge ego
67. Counts the number of bows his troupe make
68. Paunch shows
69. Tries to make up for his omission of the Russian Riverdance dancers from his show by "cossacking" across the stage
70. Jogs on the spot
71. It looks like his legs and torso are not attached properly
72. Shows that he can count to 3 and knows the word YES!
73. He directs the dance, rather than doing it
74. Does Pete Townshend arm movements...
75. Acts like a DIVA

1. You see where this show...(his vision of Riverdance) mocks the real Riverdance
2. You see why the producers of Riverdance wouldn't let Michael Flathead's "vision" become the Riverdance show
3. You think that this show would be more appropriately named "River-flash-dance"...
4. You wonder how many of the dancers are "exotic" dancers
5. You wonder how many cast members are actually an item
6. You think something derogatory about Michael Flatley
7. You think something derogatory about someone who is not Michael Flatley...guilt by association
8. You marvel at Flatley's popularity
9. Something just doesn't seem right to you
10. You think you should be using a straw for this drinking game...
11. You wonder about Michael Flatley's fetishes when you see the dancers "perform"
12. You are confused about what exactly is happening
13. You don't know who are "good guys" and who are "bad guys"
14. You see someone in tight pants and wonder if they're impotent
15. You think that Ashley MacIssac in drag would fit into this show perfectly
16. You remember why garden gnomes are unpopular (watch the gnome thing)
17. You think that an appropriate name for the sluttily dressed dancer in the red dress would be Carlotta the whore
18. You decide that none of these dancers were "Real Blonde" enough for "Showgirls"
19. You expect someone to do the Jennifer Beals "Water pose" from Flashdance (you know, the one where she gets water tipped over her...)
20. You think that they are wearing body paint instead of clothing...for easy access...
21. You realize that the cast of "Lord of the Dance" are the ones who "didn't quite make it" into Riverdance...
22. You wonder how bad the dancers who "didn't quite make it" into "Lord of the Dance" were...
23. You want to slip a $10 bill into one of the core female dancer's control top pantyhose
24. You think that although Flatley's pants lace high, they would look better if they were laced up even higher...to cover...say...his FACE!!!!!
25. You see a shot of Michael Flatley's crotch, and realize why his last name is FLATley...
26. You decide that Michael Flatley is really one of the "Little People"
27. You wonder, since this is such a blatant Riverdance rip-off, why Flatley didn't keep the narrator too, because frankly, this is damn confusing!
28. You think some of these costumes were stolen from the set of Star Trek
29. You decide that Flatley's ambition is to be the Captain James T Kirk of Irish dancing
30. You think that the Gnome would look less out of place in "Saturday Night Fever" or "Stayin' Alive"
31. You wish it were over...20 minutes into it
32. The bad lighting annoys you
33. You wonder where the band is
34. You want to pull off the gnome's stupid little hat
35. You marvel at the remarkably clean break of the flute
36. You wish that the gnome would die of depression when her flute is broken...
37. The gnome makes you angry
38. You wonder about the gender/age of the gnome
39. You notice that some of these dance scenes were lifted directly from "West Side Story"
40. You want to rip out Flatley's earring
41. You wonder why Flatley didn't decide to sing, also
42. You decide that the Gnome's eyelids are also up Flatley's bum...why can't he pull them out and give them to her so that the poor dear can blink...
43. You wonder if some of the cast members wish that breakdancing were still popular
44. You swear that the chick in the red dress is actually Slash from Guns N Roses
45. You are amazed that no one pops out of their costume...
46. You can't see any reason for the crowd to be cheering as loudly as they are
47. You expect Rita MacNeil to come out from back stage and join them, the show is so hokey...
48. You wish holes would appear in the stage and people would fall through them
49. You think that the next prop to come from the roof should be an anvil, strategically placed over Flatley's head...
50. You think that the leading blonde had hymen replacement surgery half way through the show, because first she was "virgin", then she was "whore", then she was "virgin" again...
51. You wonder what the girl story line has to do with the flute story line....
52. You wonder why the candles that they are carrying don't go out, then realize that they're really flashlights...
53. You experience Deja Vu
54. You think his eyes should be brown (he's full of shite!)
55. You are irritated by the way they end the encore with their legs up (this one's for you, Melanie!)
56. You wish that the pyros setting off the flash pots had incinerated Flatley as well
57. You wonder how many Kleenexes were used during the show
58. You want to renounce your Irish heritage after viewing this atrocity
59. You want to take the entire cast on the Jenny Jones show for slut makeovers
60. You wonder how many of the names in the closing credits are pseudonyms of Michael Flatley's
61. You feel cheated that you paid such an exorbitant amount of money to see such an amateur, exploitative parody of Riverdance
62. You want to hurt someone...preferably Flathead...